Are you happy?

[teddymeow]

Caffeine and alcohol set me off, especially when combined. Definitely a good idea to avoid. I've been recommended the Chimp Paradox too. She explained the general concept. Made perfect sense. Just putting it into action.

No double vodka and Red Bull for you then?

[charlesr]

The Anxiety Cure is making a lot of sense to me. Really easily written and easy to understand so far.

Does it give you things to try / tactics to employ?

[charlesr]

No double vodka and Red Bull for you then?

That's a massive no from me

[MrKirov]

Does it give you things to try / tactics to employ?

Yes, it does. I’m yet to reach/try them, but the science/explanation of the hows and triggers etc are compelling right now.

[charlesr]

Yes, it does. I’m yet to reach/try them, but the science/explanation of the hows and triggers etc are compelling right now.

Cool. Let me know how you get on with the rest.

Did you see my post about "3 things"? Any ideas for today's?

[MrKirov]

A tough weekend.

Friday night wasnt too bad, after getting home and doing some chores I sat down and zoned out on the playstation for the night. A friend and my brother in law was with me, so I didnt feel alone. I ate some pizza and some bad food and didnt let things get on top of me. It was only around 12:30 that we came off and thats when it hit- that I had to turn everything off and go to bed alone, again.

It was tough, and its really weird, in that I wont touch her/their side of the bed. I still stay on my side religiously. I even started putting my robe in the spot where the cat would usually sit in my arm, I dont know why. Ive started putting on youtube in the background so theirs some noise to fall asleep too.

Thoughts have started entering my head about the house, we are due a plumber to come round to do a few things, and waiting for someone to put up some bespoke blinds on some windows- I dunno, do I just continue to do them? Im finding it hard to face up too.

I went out on Saturday with my brother in law and nephew to Swansea Dennys, that was good. It helped to give me a reason to get up and get showered, and dressed. Was out from about 1.30 until 9, that helped with my Saturday. Yesterday, I spent my whole day indoors, just reading my books, and playing a few games. This weeks episode of Rupaul's drag race was on, which we would always watch together (it was her show but we used to enjoy it) I watched it alone, and it was a little sad.

I sent her a text on Saturday night, to which I expected no reply, but I figured she would be at least worried, as im sure she expected a barrage of texts but i'd sent her nothing. Basically said I missed them both so very much, but told her I understood why she left. I told her I hadnt crumbled, had been to work, and about all the steps id taken in just a few days.

I didnt expect a reply, but I got one on Sunday morning. She said she was glad about my getting help and reconnecting with my family, and that it was very positive. She said Freya is "well loved and cared for" and is enjoying all the attention from her immediate family. With her, she said it has been a difficult time and that it would "take a while" to feel herself again, as she is sure it would for me.

I left it there and didnt reply. It's hard to interpret her text as im still learning to control my negativity. But positively, she did reply. She said the cat is good. I dont know what to make of her last comments about taking a while, but all I do do is continue to improve and learn and be the man I was, and hope that in that while she sees it.

Going to have to cancel the valentines meal I had planned for Friday today, thats tough.

That hard part is that the past few days ive thought i'd work my best to improve and take steps, so that I could text her and tell her what ive done. Now ive done that, I have no follow up plan. I dont know what steps to take next, and what contact we will have so its very hard. It's best to give her her space, but I think i'll pop a valentines card through her door this week, just with a simple happy valentines addressed to my two girls, telling them I love them both so very much.

On the other hand, she left a box under the bed at home which contained all out old valentines cards, photo albums etc- so it's hard to see past that when doing it. Although part of me thinks its time for a fresh start, ignore the old ones and start a new collection.

I worry that the longer she spends there, the more normal it will become and she will end up gone forever, and my little girl Freya gone forever too.

Sorry guys, i'm having a blip this morning, im positive about the steps ive taken, but a new week ahead at the thought without them makes it a little more difficult to be so positive- but im going to have to learn to be.

[MrKirov]

I’m going to do this. It’s going to be hard but I’ll donanything for my family and our future. I’ve got this. Come on Jamie, sort yourself out son.

This could have not happened and this could have continued on and on, and it would have been finished. It’s better this happens and I get fixed, and have a chance for them to see and return.

[Dogg Thang]

A lot of good thoughts there. Yes, give her space as much as possible. That's less about her and more about you needing to be ready for her, if you know what I mean. Hard to advise from afar and it's probably not even my place but, with the valentine's card, I would just say consider the message carefully so that it doesn't put any pressure on her.

As for the work on the house, I'd say see how you feel about it. If you're up to it, have it continue and try to work through things as you would have done anyway. If it puts too much pressure on you, let them go for a while.

[MrKirov]

It would be more of a “ to my two girls, I love you both with all my heart, happy valentines” and nothing else.

Maybe drop a pouch of Freya’s favourite food in there too. Just to say I’m thinking of them, rather than anything else. Dunno how good an idea that is.

[MrKirov]

I’ve just had a call and been offered CBT starting next Monday morning for 8 weeks. Worst possible time of day/week haha!

Of course, I accepted it though. I’ll let work know later.

[fishbowlhead]

Don’t send a card and DONT just pop round, just leave it for now.

[MrKirov]

I wasn’t planning on popping over. Was just going to put a card through saying the above and giving a treat for Freya. It’s been 10 years without missing a card, and getting Freya’s food on valentines.

[JazzFunk]

Yeeeeeah...I wouldn't send a card.

[fishbowlhead]

I’ve only just had a chance to read through all this and some sound advice already given.

What I would say.

You need to get comfortable with the thought of just yourself existing as your own person independently from a partner, permanently.

You’ve already identified what went wrong in the relationship and seeking help for it which is great.

However work on yourself as well, make the core happy and fulfilled without that being centred around a someone. Once you have that down pretty much everything falls into line in life naturally.

[MrKirov]

That’s true. I kind of am happy though, just need to sort this aspect of me and I’ll be happy again. Part of the reason for my happiness is that I found the perfect partner who loves me, and that we had a bright future ahead. It all comes hand in hand, but before anything I need to fix what’s broken in me.